19.05.2023 Writing

The reason why I should write is becoming clearer to me. Due to my own progression in my abilities to express my state of existence and emotion in my writing, and due to reading sublime, painful, searing literature, I am seeing, feeling my relationship with writing changing. Before, I mostly expressed my inner thoughts in the recordings. And that worked and is still working very well. But I cannot share the recordings as easily as I can my writing. And also, the (type of) force with which I can express what I’m feeling at a certain moment is different with writing. Maybe since I don’t feel like I’m writing to anyone, not even to a nondescript person (who I usually talk to in my recordings), I experience more freedom. That freedom only being curbed by my abilities. But in getting better at writing my goal is nothing. All I want is to be. To express that being in whatever way I see fit in the moment. If that way is writing I will write, and if I think getting “better” at writing will enable me to be as I am/feel, I will write. There is also the sharing part. I talk a lot about “just being”, which can sound singular/solitary at times. And no doubt, I sometimes practice it in that way, but to me, being is always in connection with sharing. I am not because I think I am. I am because I am, and others are alongside me. The existence of others defines my being as much as my being defines itself. A separation is not possible in my opinion. And then there is also the fact that sharing my being with others and being able to receive and bask in the existence and essence of them is fundamental to being. I can’t exist without sharing and receiving existence and essence.